You may have noticed I’ve been a little quiet lately.
About a month ago, I decided to take a break from writing. I didn’t announce it or even say anything in the group. I simply took a step away from the blog while continuing the work on the page and in the group.
I’m hear to loudly proclaim a small victory though.
For the first time in my life other than when I’ve been pregnant, I weigh more that 100 pounds!
You may wonder why this is such a big deal.
You see, I have an inner demon. It goes by many names depending on the day, but most days, it’s known as anorexia.
I have been in recovery for the last 7 years and it’s been a roller coaster.
When I was a very little girl, my mother enrolled me in ballet.
I was in love!
I drank in every moment, relishing the freedom that dance brought me.
Until I was 12.
That year, a teacher told me, and I can still hear her voice clear as a bell
“If you ever weigh more than 100 pounds you will be fat”
It stuck with me and shaped every decision I made after that.
When I quit dancing at 16 I ate my first McDonald’s meal. I wanted to prove to that teacher that it didn’t matter. That I could eat what I wanted.
But I was lying to myself.
Even though I would eat the fast food, I wouldn’t eat enough the rest of the day.
I averaged somewhere around 800 calories.
This journey has brought me so much pain, guilt and sorrow but with the help of God I am finally, officially declaring that I am done!
I’m saying goodbye to controlling my meals or simply not eating.
Goodbye to worrying about my weight.
Goodbye to judging myself in the mirror.
And lastly, goodbye to the anxiety and guilt every bite brought.
No longer will I allow food to dredge up memories of the past that I cannot change.
I give this challenge and the victory to God and I am so thankful to be blessed by His faithfulness!
He will see me through.